ROCK OF LOVE 

WITH CHARLES ROCK OF THEHARLEMSOCIALITE.COM

EVERY WEEK CHARLES ANSWERS YOUR burning questions about love, relationships, and more ! 

Dear Charles,

I've been seeing this guy who is married with 2 kids. His wife and children live in England and he lives here in the States. They've been separated for 2 years now, and have never taken steps to get a divorce. I'm ready to take our relationship to the next level but not quite sure how to raise the question of him getting a divorce. When we first started dating I asked him, did he ever consider getting a divorce and he said no because she was out of sight - out of mind, and he's always been afraid that she would come after him for child support should he demand one. Any advice on how to raise this issue again without seeming too anxious or pushy?

Sincerely,

London Bridges

Dear London Bridges,

The worst thing you can do is give a man with “options”, as ultimatum… raising the issue would make you seem anxious and/or pushy even if you weren’t… not only are you invading his comfort zone, but you would be making him choose when he obviously doesn’t feel the need to… before you jump the gun, have you asked him what his “longtime” expectations are for the 2 of you? Does he see the “relationship” going any further? These are a couple questions you have to not only ask of him, but yourself as well… if it’s going in the direction you feel it should, then feel free to ask about it getting serious… if it’s not, you’re wasting your time and need to move on…

Dear Charles,

I'm dating this guy who unlike any other guy I've dated. He's exceptionally nice, understanding, kind hearted, a good listener, very respectable and overall a good guy. He's 31 but he dresses like he's 51. I don't mean to sound superficial but I don't want to date someone who gives off granddad or uncle appeal. How can I get him to consider upgrading his style without him feeling self-conscious about his looks?

Sincerely,

Young @Heart

Dear Young @Heart,

Exceptionally Nice, Understanding, kindhearted, good listener, respectable, and overall good guy… Sounds like a keeper… But he lacks style… There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone that’s great on the inside, to look just as good on the outside especially if it’s someone you’re dating… What I can recommend is that you take him shopping… 1^st grab some things for you, then make your way to the men’s department… You already know what he’s into, so go in the opposite direction and playfully give him a makeover… pick out a few things, have him try some things on, and tell him how nice he looks especially if it’s something you think he should own… this way you’d have a hand in enhancing his style, without him feeling as if you’re trying to change his style completely…

Dear Charles,

I've been with my guy for 3 years. 2 years into the relationship, his girlfriend of 8 years called me and let me know he pays her bills, they live together and for me to back off which I did for about 2 months. He pursued me. He wooed me. He told me that he and his girlfriend don't love each other but because of the amount of time they've been together, he can't let go. He refuses to let me go either! When we are together, he treats me like number 1 so much that it is hard to believe I am not the one he goes home to at night. He keeps promising that things will turn around eventually. Am I a fool to stay or will he get his footing and leave his girlfriend for me?

Sincerely,

Stupid (in Love)

Dear Stupid (in Love), em>

I’m sure you've heard of the term, “Have your cake, and eat it too”… this is a prime example… No, you haven’t been with “your” guy for 3 years…You’ve been sharing him for 3 years with a woman who’s had him for 8… RED FLAG!!! Where’s your pride?? Where’s your sense of self?? What did he say to her calling you?? Do they indeed live together?? Seems to me that all the signs are there for you to make the decision to leave him alone… there’s nothing worse than a woman who doesn’t know her worth, and seems to be inviting unnecessary DRAMA into her life… regardless if he woos you, pursues you, or tells you how much he wants to be with you… the proof is in the pudding, and you’re causing yourself unnecessary heartache and pain if you continue dealing… he treats you like #1, because he wants you to stay… but be aware that he treats her like #1 as well.. Take it from me, things aren’t going to change… and if they do, they will not be in your favor…

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